Some good news from the Borough of Enfield

Another litterbug gets his comeuppance after a church in Edmonton last weekend

The Chairman is an autocratic sort of chap with a zero-tolerance approach to wrong doing as we know. You, as was I, will therefore be delighted to read that in order to improve the crime detection statistics in the borough of Enfield, once home to Richard Carter, his favourite son the Vice Chairman and the current Chairman and First Lady, the Metropolitan Police have introduced mandatory waterboarding at Edmonton police station for all but the most trivial of offences, such as standing on the cracks in the pavement and such like. Well, not exactly, but the allegation of waterboarding arose following a drugs raid last November in Enfield and Tottenham. Unsurprisingly, the four people arrested did not automatically put their hands up and state “it’s a fair cop, Guv” as they did in the good old days of the SPG, so in order to sharpen their incentive somewhat and loosen their tongues, Edmonton police station has allegedly taken its lead from Guantanamo Bay as opposed to Dixon of Dock Green. A move in the right direction, I’m sure you will all agree.