Welcome Matilda

It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it

"Now look Chairman, aren't you taking this a little too seriously"?

There is nothing your Chairman likes more than welcoming a new member to the Club. Well, apart from when the Captain tried to stage a coup and inflict more new members on the Club than there are blackened faces in Lincolnshire on your beligured Chairman. However, in much the same way as another famous Chairman might have done (you know the one – China and all that), such an uprising was rapidly quashed when the Chairman sent the tanks down to Brighton and hushed up the resultant bloodbath. It only came to a “peaceful” conclusion when the Treasurer came out with the WRC flag and pleaded with the Chairman to stop being such an idiot, but there you go. As the Captain always says, the Treasurer knows best. Or should that be the long haired Sergeant Major, as he invariably refers to his delightful wife.

SO, the Chairman is delighted to formally announce the arrival into the world and into the WRC of Matilda Charlotte Carter (to be known within the family as “Bradman” as a result of her famous cricketing initials, I gather), who as a result of being knobbled by her parents and the Chairman at an early age (in much the same way as recreational left-footers reclaim errant Catholics in their dying moments by saying “twitch” if you repent all of your sins), has accepted with “much pleasure” a position within the Witham Rowing Club, much to the delight of the Chairman and no doubt all of the membership. However, which position is she to fill? WELL, it has been a source of considerable worry to you Chairman that the position of the Keeper of the Queen’s Fowl has long been a neglected one of great importance to the long term survival of the Club, as in much the same way as if the ravens leave the tower of London, the WRC might start moving away from Lincoln…. OK, well that bit doesn’t work, but it will give Matilda a close link to the Witham and one of her grand parental homes, and will hopefully not prove to be too much on an onerous position for one so small, as swans are fairly self sufficient and relatively plentiful in number. Welcome to the WRC Matilda – the finest non-rowing club in all the world. And well done to the Chair of the Wines and Spirits Committee for the safe delivery into the world of another member. As the Captain once memorably put it, I hope it didn't "smart" too much!