Ice Cold in Cyprus

You will laugh. Promise.

Who needs Alec Guinness when the Captain direct and co-stars in his own remakes of the WW2 classics? A sure contender for Club short film of the year, as voted for by the usual jury chaired by your autocratic Chairman….. Vivat Captain, and Vivat Youtube.

The Big Siam

The Antipodean Ambassadress on holiday with the Chairman & First Lady. Keith was sadly not able to join us, but was there in spirit (and in a WRC cap)

The Chairman is delighted to announce that somewhat belatedly (well, very belatedly – how time flies….), photographs of our sojourn to Siam in March with the Antipodean Ambassadress have been uploaded to Facebook, and can observed by one and all (Facebook friends and otherwise) by clicking here. A splendid time was had by one and all, and not much beats the sort of decadence displayed by the Ambassadress whereby she can jet off on Business Class courtesy of the Ambassador’s Airmiles at less than three days notice. Then again, we’re that sort of club, so nothing should ever raise a surprise. Apart from the arrival of the credit card bill when the Ambassadress encourages an evening of imported wines & lobster, of course!

MTV here we come

Sorry, Sir John

During the recent state visit of the Chairman & First Lady to Cyprus, you might be amused to read that the discovery by your correspondent that the Captain of Boats has recast himself as some sort of latter-day Stephen Spielberg, maker of ground breaking cinema to rival the works of the late, great pairing of Michael Jackson and Alfred Hitchcock respectively. So, for your viewing pleasure, the Chairman is delighted to present a trailer from a forthcoming release of “Ice Cold in Cyprus”, and a spoof music video featuring the Secretary and Vice Captain of Boats (and friends). Suffice as to say that the Chairman is now on a diet, and the Captain has enrolled at RADA. And not before time, I hear you add….

Patients are a virtue

The Captain hard at it, prior to knocking off early for a game of golf

The Captain is in

“Well, she’s one in sixty one million, Captain”.
“Mmm, very interesting”

The Chairman is delighted to announce that after many years being safely locked to a junior staff job, the Captain has seen fit to come out of retirement and start seeing patients again. Suffice as to say that in light of the current global state of play, the Captain is not often found with time on his hands, but those of an unbalanced disposition can be secure in the knowledge that they are in safe hands with the Captain, if a somewhat unsafe couch, as I almost discovered to my peril when invited to step into his office and tell him about my dear Mama.....

Call me Captain

A present fit for a Captain

The Captain hoovering his well appointed swmming pool.

Note the inflatable Spitfire, purloined from the Battle of Britain dinner in the Officers Mess last Friday.

I had occasion to enquire of the Captain of Boats as to how he is addressed in his position as OC DCMH Cyprus. "Well", he said, "I have tried to encourage them to call me Ben, but am not having a great deal of sucsess". At least he tried, I thought, but the Captain was not finished yet. “You have to remember that old habits die hard in the services, Chairman. And, after all, I am bloody important.” Never let it be said otherwise, I thought, although I particularly liked the “bloody” prefix to his status. Vivat Captain!

Consider yourself cast!

The WRC party at Kourion yesterday evening

The Secretary at Kourion last night

Waiting for Campo as performed by the St. Johns Players, 2008

Following in the footsteps of her Father, who treaded the boards at Westgate Middle School all those years ago in their seminal production of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, the Secretary has secured the starring role in her school’s production of Oliver! this winter, having been cast in the seminal role as “fifth orphan”. As your Chairman said to the Secretary only last night whilst attending a performance from the band of the Royal Corps of Signals at Kourion Theatre, “from small acorns do large conker trees go”. "Never a truer word said in jest", the Secretary replied, and you can’t say fairer than that, can you? Break a leg Mollster, as we say in the Witham.

NCO our type, darling

This is 2009, not 1955, you know!

Readers of this occasional august blog concerning matters WRC related will no doubt be amused to note that social apartheid is alive and well, and flourishing in the Soverign Base Area on that far flung outpost of Empire otherwise known as Cyprus. This does not manifest itself in anything so crude as Officer classes paying the local indigenous Cypriots a bowl of Greek salad a week folk to scrub their verandas and to mow the one blade of grass that the sun has this far managed not to kill in their extensive gardens. Oh no. Nothing so crude. It manifests itself, you might be amused to read, by the children of the Officers travelling to school in luxury air conditioned coaches, whilst the children of the other ranks travel in a somewhat less auspicious fashion, emerging from their charabancs red faced and panting as a result of in-bus temperatures of over 50 degrees, one can only surmise. You therefore wonders whether or not a Rosa Parks moment is only sunny day away in the isle that is home to the Campo’s for the next two years. Then again, probably not, but just imagine the Secretary shouting down the bus “you’re not allowed on here, Dwane, your daddy’s only ground crew!” You could sell tickets for that, couldn’t you?

Tempus Pro Cyprusio

Asbsolutely splendid

Dear Daisy's quarters

The Mollster's room

The Captain at home. The Empire is safe in his hands, rest assured.

Greater love have no club members than to host the Chairman & First Lady for 10 whole days in end-of Colonial era splendour in sunny Cyprus at their splendidly appointed house at RAK Akrotiri. As such, the Campions will forever be in our debt. Well, them and the HSBC, anyway.

Suffice as to say that the Chairman & First Lady wish you were all here, and the Chairman thought you might like to see some decorative ideas for how to personalise your house in club fashion. And the weather? Schorchio, as ever. The sun always shines on the Witham, after all. And the Empire, of course!

No Jackets Required

Do you feel lucky? All is revelaed here.

Good morning Cyprusio

The Chairman is delighted to say that the Witham Rowing Club were dutifully represented at Henley by a coxless pair in the sweltering heat, during which jackets were allowed to be removed for the first time since 1976. For those readers of a statistical bent, the Chairman is pleased to reveal that getting out of ones scull (sic) at Henley has become even more reassuringly expensive this year, with Pimm’s coming in at £8.40 a pint in the Stewards’, and cooking Champagne a very reasonable £45.00 a bottle. Cheap at twice the price, say I, which is reassuring, as the Vice Chairman thoughtfully sent your correspondent in co-respondents a text message reminding him that he and the First Lady were drinking for 15 this year. The Captain, the man who put the psycho in psycho-analyst, was somewhat less thoughtful this year, his message this morning reading

“Morning Chairman. Day after Henley is HANGOVER DAY! Gooood Moooorning Vietnam!!!! It’s 0600 Cyprus time and life is GOOD!"

The big question, of course, is who actually won the Henley Quiz this year, and for those of you of a curious bent, all will be revealed by watching this clip of the judging at Henley in Butlers Field car park. Happy days, happy days. And as custom dictates, the sun shone on the Thames as Witham, as we always knew it would.

There's no such thing as bad publicity

It's that time of year again

Members & regular readers of this portal will no doubt be delighted to read that the 2009 Chap Olympics have thoughtfully used a photograph of your Chairman & Captain of Boats completing at the 2007 Olympiad. A visit here will satisfy even the most curious. Sadly, the Captain is indisposed this year, so Club honour will have to be maintained by the efforts of the Club’s Chairman, who this year will be competing in the Club blazer. Wish me well in the rigerous training the forthcoming weeks will no doubt provide before the big event next weekend.

TEMPUS PRO QUIZIO

Sunday at Reading - Back to school for the CWSC

Cruising the course at Henley

The Treasurer and the Vice Chairman atop our boat

Tempus Pro Fireworksio

Sunday morning swim for the Captain

The Chairman is delighted to announce that the WRC will be represented at Henley for the 20th successive year this Thursday by a coxless pair consisting of the Chairman & First Lady, during which all of the traditions will be observed as custom dictates. This year marks the 10th anniversary of our 10th anniversary cruise from Wallingford to Henley on Thames, and as such, I thought I would unearth a selection of vintage images from the year the Captain’s cheap panama ended up in the brink. Happy days, happy days…..

As is also customary at this time of year, the Chairman is acutely aware of the fact that not everyone who would like to attend Henley in person can so do, and as such, he has sweated long and hard into the early hours, fortified only by port and cigars, and come up with a quiz to involve everyone this year to help them feel that they are “at Henley”, even though they are not actually “at Henley”. Prizes will be awarded for the best efforts – Good luck!

The 2009 Henley quiz

1.The Captain acquired what was probably his fifth Henley hat from Silvers on Bell Street in Henley prior to their closure due to a downturn in business, which was thoughtfully trimmed in club colours by the shop’s hatter. The base cost of the boater was £38.00, but how much do you think was charged for the bespoke trimming of the hat in club colours?

2.Dickie Millward – True or false?

3.To the nearest 20 years, how many consecutive years will the WRC have been represented at Henley when the Chairman and First Lady grace the regatta with their presence next Thursday?

4.In which important academic document did the Chairman decide to goad his Guardian reading beleaguered personal tutor with by including as its front cover an A4 photocopy of the Daily Telegraph front page?

5.On our way to Thailand for our holiday this year, we encountered Alan Wicker removing his shoes at the security desk. In order to speed up the logistics of international travel, the Antipodean Ambassador travels only in flip-flops, wife beater vests and swimshorts. True or false?

6.Who has amassed more air miles this year – The Antipodean Ambassadress or the Australian Prime Minister?

7.The club’s unofficial herald, Father Howard, was 80 on the 24th June, but how would one write 80 in Roman numerals?

8.How much money had the Chairman saved by making his own enclosure badges for the club for the last 10 years or so?

9.It is 10 years since the WRC’s 10th anniversary cruise, during which the club flag, lovingly made by the Treasurer and Captian of Boats, was first unveiled. How old does that make the flag this year?

10.For many of those who cruised the Thames from Wallingford to Henley (and back) in 1999, the highlight of the trip the letter of complaint the then Secretary wrote to the boat company claiming (and winning) compensation for the boat breaking down at least twice. However, for other members, the highlight was when one long established member decided to put into action his wisdom in the field of physics by trying to stop the boat crashing into a wall by using leg power alone, resulting in his being flipped head over heals into the well of the boat. Guess who?

Some good news from the Borough of Enfield

Another litterbug gets his comeuppance after a church in Edmonton last weekend

The Chairman is an autocratic sort of chap with a zero-tolerance approach to wrong doing as we know. You, as was I, will therefore be delighted to read that in order to improve the crime detection statistics in the borough of Enfield, once home to Richard Carter, his favourite son the Vice Chairman and the current Chairman and First Lady, the Metropolitan Police have introduced mandatory waterboarding at Edmonton police station for all but the most trivial of offences, such as standing on the cracks in the pavement and such like. Well, not exactly, but the allegation of waterboarding arose following a drugs raid last November in Enfield and Tottenham. Unsurprisingly, the four people arrested did not automatically put their hands up and state “it’s a fair cop, Guv” as they did in the good old days of the SPG, so in order to sharpen their incentive somewhat and loosen their tongues, Edmonton police station has allegedly taken its lead from Guantanamo Bay as opposed to Dixon of Dock Green. A move in the right direction, I’m sure you will all agree.

The Ambassador comes to town

So Mike, what DO you do?

The Chairman is delighted to announce that the court of the Antipodean Ambassador is currently in Blighty, and was pleased to receive the Chairman & First Lady to his B&B off Oxford Street yesterday afternoon. Although the Ambassador showed a marked reluctance to use his legs other than when going to the bar during his visit, his elbow and forearm were well exercised by the time we were asked to leave the Grenadier pub in Belgravia some seven hours later. Dale was on excellent form, and his disposition was further improved with the arrival of his cousin Mike, who was quite illuminating about his current career prospects, although he was somewhat surprised to be as asked “So Mike, what do you do” by the First Lady some way after the discussion around his career had changed tack. Mike was kind enough not to say “What do you expect an international rugby union coach to do for a job?”, but it must have been tempting.

Suffice as to say that by the time we were asked to leave the pub (we were the final customers), even the Ambassador was well refreshed. So well refreshed, in fact, that he was almost unable to work the ticket machine in the tube station. One can only hope he felt better than the Chairman & First Lady did this morning. It would, however, seem unlikely. Even for a man of the Ambassador’s legendary stamina.

Zimmer's away!

Coming to a house near you soon – The Carterton Campo’s black dog

Another quiet day out in Lincoln.

They say it’s not what you know, but who, which is indeed a blessing for a Club who, in the main, usually fail to get above a 2(ii) in their degree classifications. I blame the parents myself. So, for the collective amusement of the Club and the parents thereof, I am delighted to post a picture of the U3A visit to RAF Scampton recently, where they undertook a sponsored swim and a flight in the Red Arrow courtesy of Bomber’s contacts. You wouldn’t have thought there was enough room to get all the walking sticks into the hold, would you?

In the next issue, I shall be featuring a photograph of Bomber Campo DFC at the graveside of the dog of Wing Commander Guy Gibson VC DSO DFC BBC ICI , prior to the unveiling of a new headstone commissioned by the U3A Racial Awareness group under the headship of none other than Mrs Patel from the Hawthorn Road newsagents. Watch this space!

Hard cheese, old Chairman!

Ian Carmichael back in his prime

Your corrospondent at the tennis court last summer

The scene in all of its cinemagraphic glory

Pride comes before a fall, but the Chairman is delighted to announce that courtesy of a spectacular piece of Chappist networking, he is to play the Ian Carmichael role in a photoshoot recreating the tennis match from the 1960 film School for Scoundrels for The Chap magazine this Sunday. The fall seems strangely apt, as that is the way in which the scene ends, but that’s the world of Chappist modelling for you. I live in hope for a front cover, but one should never be greedy. And with any luck, this escapade will be witnessed by no greater authority on the cinema than the Vice Chairman himself. Something I am sure he will very much look forward to witnessing, I’m sure.

The Captain at 40

The Captain at 40, having another 10 years put on him by the Chairman's address

A hopefully suitable commemortation of 40 years on this planet

The Campion ladies before the party, all looking delightful as ever


The Treasurer's welcoming address, as well as looking welcoming in her dress

The Chairman sticking the boot in, as custom dictates

The Captain doing a half year of neat alcohol, thoughtfully provided by his team mates at the hockey club

His wish, in the current economic climate, was probably not for world peace....

Keen readers of this blog and students of world affairs will recall with barely concealed relief that the Chairman’s 40th birthday was commemorated by the formal removal of George W. Bush from office and the inauguration of Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States of America. It is therefore strangely apt that on the same day as the Captain of Boats celebrates 40 years on this planet, Kate Winslett wins an Oscar at the 6th attempt for playing a concentration camp guard in The Reader. Make of this what you will.

The Captain’s birthday celebrations began last Thursday, with a visit to the Metropolis for a pre-birthday celebration, the highpoint of which was, quite literally, climbing the recently re-opened Monument, built in between 1671 and 1677 to commemorate the Great Fire of London in 1666. However, Saturday marked the formal highpoint to the celebrations, with a surprise ceilidh held at the family hockey club in Witney. The erstwhile family maid Aligene and her husband Larry made a guest appearance, as did a large tranche of the onetime Smith family, which made the affair a jolly family and hockey occasion with a goodly selection of local chums also in attendance. At short notice (thank you Madam Treasurer!), you correspondent was tempted to say a few words, which after his usual characteristic reticence, ran to seven pages. Well, there’s a lot to say when addressing the life and times of the Captain, as one might imagine. Some of a selection of the photographs taken by your correspondent and the Treasurer’s sister Claire are shown here, although for a more extended selection, a visit here (when I have uploaded them) should hopefully satisfy the curious and those who could not make it on the day.

Anyway, I am sure that I am speaking for all of the Captain’s family & friends when wishing him many happy returns of the day, and by stating that the world is a considerably more memorable place with his presence on it. If only for his occasionally extraordinary dress sense alone.

The Royal Academy : A Call for Entries

The Chair of the Fine Arts Committee exercising spatial awareness

The Chairman at the RA last year

The Chairman is pleased to reveal that the Royal Academy has recently announced its Call for Entries for the 2009 Summer Exhibition. Following on from last years theme whereby the title of the work was based on the name of a Kaiser Chiefs song (after the Kaiser Chiefs had named their most famous song “Ruby” after the Chair of the Fine Arts Committee), and taking inspiration from the from the recent heatwave in the antipodes, this years entries should work towards the theme “Take My Temperature”, a highlight of any Kaiser Chiefs live set.

In order to save on expensive framing costs in the current economic climate, all entries are restricted to A.4 size. The club has historically been generous enough to pay for one entry, which custom dictates is delivered by hand to the front entrance of Burlington House in Piccadilly, only for the Chairman to be unceremoniously sent round to the tradesman’s entrance by the frock coated RA attendants along with all of the other exhibitors. Should any other member wish to have works considered for submission, members should ensure that they reach the Chairman by no later than Friday 27th March, on which date no finer authority than the Chair of the Fine Arts Committee herself will judge any such submissions with her critical eye.

The 12th Annual General Meeting - A date is set

The WRC Loving Cup

The Vice Chairman to you, child

The Chairman is delighted to announce that the 12th Annual General Meeting of the Witham Rowing Club will be held at the Oxfordshire residence of the Captain of Boats, the Club Treasurer, the Secretary and the Vice Captain of Boats on Friday 27th February, at which the Club will discuss matters of any constitutional import that members see fit to bring to the Club’s attention. All such submissions should be received by the Secretary no later than 48 hours before we dine, this being scheduled for 8.31pm prompt (8.31 being 1900 hours plus 91 minutes, ie "1991", the year of our foundation).

Tempus Pro Proximo

Chairman 5.ii.2009.

Ideas above his station (and not for the first time)

Stop me if you’ve seen this one before….

Members, family and friends will be delighted to note that the photograph of your Chairman & Captain of Boats depicted the 2007 Chap Olympics and featuring on the 2009 Chap calender has been included by the photographer Fiona Campbell on her website, which can be observed by clicking on the following link. Much to my amusement, and no doubt yours, the photo has been captioned as “Chairman Maoward and The President”. I hope you’ve all put a calendar on your Christmas list - the only thing you need for Christmas, and very useful for the year ahead!

Taking the Chairman by surprise (and to the Cotswolds)

Lovingly baked for the Chairman with the supervision of the Treasurer, who has almost baked me as many cakes as my dear Mama over the years.

Richard sharpening the knives on Friday. Luckily the knives weren't out for the Chairman over the weekend



Margaret, The Vice Captain of Boats and Bomber on Friday afternoon


The Chairman and his favourite Treasurer

Like Father like Chairman. One day, I too could look like this.

The Cox, Mother and the Bishop of Burton, who wanted to fillet the Chairman after a weekend of protracted eclesiastical joshing.

The Chairman & First Lady with the Vice Captain of Boats and the Secrtetary in the pub on Saturday lunchtime

The Chairman & Captain relaxing with the papers on Sunday morning

The Chairman on the Wii, as created by the Vice Captain of Boats

As everyone in the WRC except the Chairman was already aware, a party to celebrate 40 inglorious years of the Chairman's existance had been arranged in the Cotswolds for 33 of his closest family & friends in the Cotswolds, much to his delight. The weekend included 6 of the Bunkers Hill Mafia and seven of the WRC (the Cox of whom is a member of both – put that in your venn diagram and smoke it), and was a resounding sucsess due in no small part to the work of my dear Mama and the First Lady, not to mention the contributions of the Cox and Margaret Campion.

I have included a selection of the photograophs here for your amusement, but if you wish to see sixty of the 151 I took, a visit here will satisfy even the most curious. No group photos of the WRC (it wasn’t that sort of weekend), but it was a wonderful occasion, during which a toast to absent friends was drunk as custom dictates.

40 glorious years

HRH The Prince of Wales at 60

Matthew J. Howard WRC, Chairman of the Witham Rowing Club, at 40

Your Chairman has been overwhelmed with requests for a formal photographic portrait to commemorate his 40th birthday last week to compliment the splendid portraits drawn and painted for him by the Secretary and the Vice Captain of Boats. In short, the request seem to indicate that something along the lines of the portrait taken of HRH The Prince of Wales to commemorate his sixtieth birthday earlier this week.

So, ever willing to oblige, your Chairman donned his club fig earlier today and this is what he came up with. Even if I say so myself, a diet of port, game and puffin seems to have kept the ravages of time from having taken too much of a toll thus far. And an undemanding club membership, of course.

DAN!

Following on from the monumental events of my 40th birthday weekend of which I shall endeavour to justice to when I have written all of my thank-you’s, I thought I might like to share with you where the reference to the phrase “DAN!” came from, as shouted round the back lanes of the Cotswolds by Sober Dave and me on Friday evening whilst looking for my brother, who had been callously abandoned in the mist by his taxi driver. Who would have thought that there would be two churches and only one pub in the village? Had they not heard that representatives of the WRC and the Bunkers Hill Mafia were coming for the weekend?

40 not out

With my parents and the First Lady at Claridges

In the Star Tavern with my brother Dan & The Captain

The Chairman is delighted to report that he has survived entering the 5th decade of his life in one piece, fortified by the finest ales, Champagnes, gins and Gordon Ramsey fayre known to man. Apart from the prohibitively expensive nature thereof, I could almost advocate the WRC holding their AGM’s under Mr Ramsey’s instruction. It was almost as good as eating at my parental table – I can laud no higher praise than that.

The Captain kindly joined the throng for the evening, and thoughtfully hosted half time refreshments at his club, much to the amusement of my Father, who one donned Airforce Blue in much the same way as Richard Carter and Bomber “Bomber” Campion did in their pomp. However, despite the advancing years of your Chairman, you can be reassured that the same level of autocratic inactivity that has characterised his last 17 years of Chairmanship will very much be the order of the day in the forthcoming years. Rest assured, there’s life in the old Chairman yet!