Ideas above his station (and not for the first time)

Stop me if you’ve seen this one before….

Members, family and friends will be delighted to note that the photograph of your Chairman & Captain of Boats depicted the 2007 Chap Olympics and featuring on the 2009 Chap calender has been included by the photographer Fiona Campbell on her website, which can be observed by clicking on the following link. Much to my amusement, and no doubt yours, the photo has been captioned as “Chairman Maoward and The President”. I hope you’ve all put a calendar on your Christmas list - the only thing you need for Christmas, and very useful for the year ahead!

Taking the Chairman by surprise (and to the Cotswolds)

Lovingly baked for the Chairman with the supervision of the Treasurer, who has almost baked me as many cakes as my dear Mama over the years.

Richard sharpening the knives on Friday. Luckily the knives weren't out for the Chairman over the weekend



Margaret, The Vice Captain of Boats and Bomber on Friday afternoon


The Chairman and his favourite Treasurer

Like Father like Chairman. One day, I too could look like this.

The Cox, Mother and the Bishop of Burton, who wanted to fillet the Chairman after a weekend of protracted eclesiastical joshing.

The Chairman & First Lady with the Vice Captain of Boats and the Secrtetary in the pub on Saturday lunchtime

The Chairman & Captain relaxing with the papers on Sunday morning

The Chairman on the Wii, as created by the Vice Captain of Boats

As everyone in the WRC except the Chairman was already aware, a party to celebrate 40 inglorious years of the Chairman's existance had been arranged in the Cotswolds for 33 of his closest family & friends in the Cotswolds, much to his delight. The weekend included 6 of the Bunkers Hill Mafia and seven of the WRC (the Cox of whom is a member of both – put that in your venn diagram and smoke it), and was a resounding sucsess due in no small part to the work of my dear Mama and the First Lady, not to mention the contributions of the Cox and Margaret Campion.

I have included a selection of the photograophs here for your amusement, but if you wish to see sixty of the 151 I took, a visit here will satisfy even the most curious. No group photos of the WRC (it wasn’t that sort of weekend), but it was a wonderful occasion, during which a toast to absent friends was drunk as custom dictates.

40 glorious years

HRH The Prince of Wales at 60

Matthew J. Howard WRC, Chairman of the Witham Rowing Club, at 40

Your Chairman has been overwhelmed with requests for a formal photographic portrait to commemorate his 40th birthday last week to compliment the splendid portraits drawn and painted for him by the Secretary and the Vice Captain of Boats. In short, the request seem to indicate that something along the lines of the portrait taken of HRH The Prince of Wales to commemorate his sixtieth birthday earlier this week.

So, ever willing to oblige, your Chairman donned his club fig earlier today and this is what he came up with. Even if I say so myself, a diet of port, game and puffin seems to have kept the ravages of time from having taken too much of a toll thus far. And an undemanding club membership, of course.

DAN!

Following on from the monumental events of my 40th birthday weekend of which I shall endeavour to justice to when I have written all of my thank-you’s, I thought I might like to share with you where the reference to the phrase “DAN!” came from, as shouted round the back lanes of the Cotswolds by Sober Dave and me on Friday evening whilst looking for my brother, who had been callously abandoned in the mist by his taxi driver. Who would have thought that there would be two churches and only one pub in the village? Had they not heard that representatives of the WRC and the Bunkers Hill Mafia were coming for the weekend?

40 not out

With my parents and the First Lady at Claridges

In the Star Tavern with my brother Dan & The Captain

The Chairman is delighted to report that he has survived entering the 5th decade of his life in one piece, fortified by the finest ales, Champagnes, gins and Gordon Ramsey fayre known to man. Apart from the prohibitively expensive nature thereof, I could almost advocate the WRC holding their AGM’s under Mr Ramsey’s instruction. It was almost as good as eating at my parental table – I can laud no higher praise than that.

The Captain kindly joined the throng for the evening, and thoughtfully hosted half time refreshments at his club, much to the amusement of my Father, who one donned Airforce Blue in much the same way as Richard Carter and Bomber “Bomber” Campion did in their pomp. However, despite the advancing years of your Chairman, you can be reassured that the same level of autocratic inactivity that has characterised his last 17 years of Chairmanship will very much be the order of the day in the forthcoming years. Rest assured, there’s life in the old Chairman yet!

It’s good to talk

Which end do you talk out of, Chairman?

For the benefit of serving members of HM Forces within the club, the Chairman thought he might like to offer a refresher course in the joys of recreational communication with the Chairman of the club. As Maria sang in the sound of music, “Let’s start at the very beginning, it’s a very good place to start”, so for the benefit of those members not au fait with modern communications in the third millennium, you will find above an example of modern telephonic apparatus. Pick it up, press the right buttons and, hey presto, you might find even manage to find your Chairman at the other end! Especially when you faithfully promised to telephone two evenings ago, Captain…..

It's good to talk

An artists impression of the scene by the Chair of the Fine Arts Committee

Three guesses where the Chair of the Wines and Sprits Committee was when I last had the pleasure of her dulcet tones? Well, a gentleman would never be so indiscreet, but bearing in mind her own husband was considerate enough to mention that the CWSC was in the bath drinking a beer when handing me over to her, I thought it would be rude not to share this with you all. Bottoms up! Or down, as bathing etiquette generally dictates according to Debrett's.

Coming to a cinema near you....

Just in case you have not seen the Antipodean Ambassadress of late and wondered what she has been up to, clicking on the YouTube clip thoughtfully embedded above by the Chairman might give you a few clues. Her French has improved considerably since leaving school, I’m sure you will agree. Co-incidentally, the Ambassadress has been in Sydney over the last few days, her visit coinciding with that of our chum Helen’s sister and that of the closest chum of my sister in law. As I commented to the First Lady only the other evening whilst taking our Port and perusing The Times Pocket Global Atlas, it’s a small world….

Club stripped socks

Look what I've managed to find

I have been overwhelmed recently with communications relating to Club kit, which usually read “I know you have provided the club with two issues of t-shirts, numbered rugby shirts, club blazer badges and ties Chairman, not to mention arranging with Godfrey Sports the resource of an on-like kit supplier who will pretty much make anything we require, but when are you going to get round to finding a supplier of green and white hoped socks suitable for a dress-down Friday or recreation weekend wear?” Well worry no longer, as the supplier of club ties, Messrs Ryder & Amies of Cambridge now stock the aforementioned items as pictured above. The only drawback is that you have to ask for them under the name of “Queens College” cotton socks and pay £7.50 a pair for the privilege, but you have the Chairman’s assurance that the socks are splendid addition to a chap’s wardrobe. One size fits all, unless you are female, a junior member or have particularly odd feet. Well, I'm only human, after all!

Ryder & Amies

22 King's Parade

Cambridge CB2 1SP

(01223) 350371
sales@ryderamies.co.uk
www.ryderamies.co.uk

Bradman Carter knock's 'em for six

The Adeliade Carter's, WRC

They seem very happy, don't they?

Doesn't Ruby take a splendid photograph?

Just in case you have not had an opportunity to inspect the latest member of the WRC, the Chairman in delighted to reproduce digital representations of the Matilda Charlotte Carter WRC, Keeper of the Queen’s Fowl with her family fresh from nine and a bit months of incubation. Not only does the Chair of the Wines and Spirits Committee look fresh as a daisy, but Ruby looks delighted by the new arrival, in addition to looking rather like her Father at a similar age. Some splendid images, I’m sure you will agree.

Welcome Matilda

It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it

"Now look Chairman, aren't you taking this a little too seriously"?

There is nothing your Chairman likes more than welcoming a new member to the Club. Well, apart from when the Captain tried to stage a coup and inflict more new members on the Club than there are blackened faces in Lincolnshire on your beligured Chairman. However, in much the same way as another famous Chairman might have done (you know the one – China and all that), such an uprising was rapidly quashed when the Chairman sent the tanks down to Brighton and hushed up the resultant bloodbath. It only came to a “peaceful” conclusion when the Treasurer came out with the WRC flag and pleaded with the Chairman to stop being such an idiot, but there you go. As the Captain always says, the Treasurer knows best. Or should that be the long haired Sergeant Major, as he invariably refers to his delightful wife.

SO, the Chairman is delighted to formally announce the arrival into the world and into the WRC of Matilda Charlotte Carter (to be known within the family as “Bradman” as a result of her famous cricketing initials, I gather), who as a result of being knobbled by her parents and the Chairman at an early age (in much the same way as recreational left-footers reclaim errant Catholics in their dying moments by saying “twitch” if you repent all of your sins), has accepted with “much pleasure” a position within the Witham Rowing Club, much to the delight of the Chairman and no doubt all of the membership. However, which position is she to fill? WELL, it has been a source of considerable worry to you Chairman that the position of the Keeper of the Queen’s Fowl has long been a neglected one of great importance to the long term survival of the Club, as in much the same way as if the ravens leave the tower of London, the WRC might start moving away from Lincoln…. OK, well that bit doesn’t work, but it will give Matilda a close link to the Witham and one of her grand parental homes, and will hopefully not prove to be too much on an onerous position for one so small, as swans are fairly self sufficient and relatively plentiful in number. Welcome to the WRC Matilda – the finest non-rowing club in all the world. And well done to the Chair of the Wines and Spirits Committee for the safe delivery into the world of another member. As the Captain once memorably put it, I hope it didn't "smart" too much!

A sunny afternoon on Bunkers Hill

The Chairman presenting the Cox with her prize

Richard enjoying the weather

The Cox and the First Lady. Drink had been taken.

“A particularly good year for Norton Anti-Virus this year, Chairman”

The Chairman & Margaret, who will be 40 this Wednesday, would you believe

The Cox, disapointed by the "Batteries not included approach of our sponsors"

As ever, there is nothing that warms your Chairman’s heart more than a large lunch, a good cellar and old friends enjoying a summer’s day. Luckily enough, the garden party held in honour of the Antipodean Ambassadress’s visit to her parental home held last Saturday ticked every box, and although the Chairman neglected to photograph the sumptuous fare provided for the guests, you will no doubt accept my assurance that it did exactly what it said on the tin. Not only was the Chairman delighted to present the Coxswain with “I Predict A Riot” for winning the Henley Quiz by failing to get any of the questions wrong, but he was delighted to observe that despite the changeable summer we have enjoyed in the UK thus far, the Cox’s had managed to grow a splendid crop of CD’s already this summer, many of which looked ripe for harvesting……

A State Visit

The Antipodean Ambassadress reclining after a fish pie & Eton Mess.

Dinner in N.21

The Chairman is delighted to include some photographs of the recent State Visit to the UK by the Antipodean Ambassadress for your inspection. The Chairman and First Lady had the pleasure of 28 hours of the Antipodean Ambassadress in the Metropolis, during which time she attempted to redress the balance of payments deficit between the Motherland and the Antipodes, and managed to squeeze in 2 lunches, one dinner, ¼ gallon of wine and a visit to Tate Modern. As ever, it is always a pleasure to receive a State Visit, and one day we hope to reciprocate once again. The likelihood of the Chairman & First Lady “turning left” upon entering the aeroplane (in much the same way as Charlotte did) would be, however, decidedly unlikely!

Olivia Marie Dorethy Clark

The Chairman is delighted to present for inspection Olivia Marie Dorothy Clark, born to the sister of our very own Chair of the Wines & Spirits Committee on 30th June 2008. Mother, Father and child all appeared to be doing well when we visited them last week, although the gardens at 10a Latymer Road were somewhat more overgrown than when we last visited. The phone message is still the same though. Never were truer words said in jest than those of the CWSC on the answering machine message which has remained in use since 2002, and which states "Hi, we're not around at the moment".....

Caught circular

Wrap up warm, Charlotte. It's a typical British summer, after all.

The Chairman is delighted to announce the imminent arrival of the Antipodean Ambassadress to the land of her birth, and providing she manages to squeeze us in, both the First Lady and your Chairman are very much looking forward to her presenting herself in the Metropolis early next week. Welcome "home", Charlotte. It seems only 10 months since you were last here.....!

With family and friends like these......

Time to wake up and smell the coffee, Captain!

As ever, your Chairman was overwhelmed with responses to the “Caption Campion” competition I announced yesterday. The speed at which the emails came in defied even my expectations – haven’t you all got jobs/tea shops to go to? Anyway, in no particular order, the responses included


“Captain Campo” (everyone)

“My darling boy”

“Oberon” (King of the Fairies, Captain, from A Midsummer Nights Dream, which of course you slept through at Tolthorpe. Twice)

“They will boot you out of the mess, son, if the committee see you dressed like this. Airmen didn’t dress like at in my day. The whole country’s gone to pot. I must write a letter to the U3A Gazette” (Anonymous, Hawthorn Road)

“Ya bloody poofta” (The Ambassador, via his secretary on conference call)

“Would you like to borrow our nail varnish, Daddy?”

“You’re a bloody rotter, Campo. I think I now have an idea where to stick a particularly large firework I was saving up for my grand finale at one of my concerts this summer.” Tricky Wardmill, Hertfordshire

A sympathetic response from the Captain’s family and friends, then. And, of course, from Dickie. On the blog tomorrow, we will be having the Captain’s tips on how to beat the credit crunch (and the Chairman for his impertinence) with the Captain’s new column, “Look after the pennies (and spend all the ones you have saved (and the rest) in the Innovations catalogue without telling Bev) with the Captain”. “Short, pithy and to the point, Chairman – rather like yourself”, as the Captain retorted to me earlier today. I mean to say, the bloody cheek of it……

Today’s Captian caption competition

Your caption here?

Prizes at the Chairman’s discretion will be awarded for the best caption to apply to the photograph of the Captain of Boats as presented above, taken in June. Did you know they even let him into his club for lunch on a Saturday looking like that? Without the hat, of course. I mean, he wouldn’t want to be blackballed, would he? Or propositioned by light-footed airmen for that matter.

The 2008 Henley Quiz - we have a winner.

For some quiz entrants, the glass will always be half entry.

The Chairman relaxing after a vigorous bout of quiz setting

I don't know what the Captain's got to smile about. Guess how many he got wrong this year?

The Chairman is delighted to announce the results of the 2008 Henley quiz, for which he received an unprecedented number of replies. Well, six in total. Highlights of the responses received by the Chairman included those of the First Lady, who was unsure quite why she married the Chairman on 1st June 2002. The Chair of the Wines and Spirits Committee was under the misapprehension that the Chairman arranged the date of his marriage to the First Lady in order that “It didn’t clash with Henley”, which he thought rather cheeky, especially bearing in mind she was, of course, our bridesmaid. If that’s what nine months of absence from ones post does for you, then I’m glad I’m sitting down to write this. The Vice Chairman was under the mis-apprehension that the WRC had only been invited to Tolthotpe once. He was, however, so sloshed on the Cox’s home-distilled vino that he probably forgot the first time we attended. The answer was, of course, twice. My dear Mama managed not to trouble the scorers, but it was her first time of entering the quiz, so allowances should, of course, be made. The Captain came last as usual. Suffice as to say that he managed to fail in the question of whether or not Campion strength Pimm’s was the right answer. The answer, of course, is no, was no at the time and should forever be so. He even got the Dickie Millward anagram wrong.

The Antipodean Ambassadress is, as custom dictates, someone whose finger is on the pulse of Club activities, and put in a flawless performance as ever. However, there can only be one winner, and the Chairman is therefore delighted to announce that the winner of the 2008 Henley Quiz is the Coxswain, who managed to get no questions wrong whatsoever, which the Chairman considers being an admirable achievement for someone whom the Ambassador regularly refers to as our “oldest member”.The prize, which will be presented at the Garden Party to be held in honour of the impending visit of the Antipodean Ambassadress (shortly to embark on her whistle-stop European tour), can best be summed up as the sort of thing money cannot buy, and which would not exist without the Cox’s presence on this planet. A worthy winner, I’m sure you will all agree.

Hooray – It’s Henley 2008

" The sun always shines on the Witham."

A Leander crew winning their race easily.

Chin chin. The Chairman & Captain of Boats under "the tree" at the Champagne bar.

Prince Michael of Kent. It is Henley ROYAL Regatta, after all.

In the Leander Club. Taken by a Steward, who was deligted to help.

The Captain under Henley bridge

The WRC were represented by a coxless pair at Henley Royal Regatta yesterday, and as you can see, the sun shone as is customary. The Captain brought a new hat, we were photographed by a lady from Totally (a poor man’s local Hello! – well, as poor as one gets living in Henley), the WRC legend was passed on to interested attendees we met along the way, Tom at Godfrey was awarded for his trouble with a can of Pimm’s, Leander was "visited" for a sun-downer (at the second time of asking) and we both made it home in one piece. All in all, a vintage year. All that was missing were absent friends, who were remembered in the time-honoured fashion.

VIVAT WITHAM!

Every cloud has a Silvers lining (Where DID you get that hat?)

The Captain in his new hat with the Chairman and Brigitte Smith of Silvers


The Captain at the Leander Club in the late afternoon in his new hat.

The Captain wanted a new hat. “Chairman”, the Captain said, “I want a new hat”. Just to make sure that I had not got the wrong end of the stick, I asked him if it was a new hat that he was after. “You’ve got it in one”, the Captain replied. “I don’t know how you do it.” Well, having sorted that matter out, I managed to ascertain that the Captain required a straw boater, his original cheap straw Henley hat having flown into the Thames during the 10th anniversary cruise of 1999, and his 30th birthday panama hat (lovingly brought for him by the Chairman, First Lady, Vice Chairman and the Chair of the Wines & Spirits Committee) having rotted on the parcel shelf of their Dawaeo after having been left there in a slightly damp fashion by its “careless” owner (the VC’s phrase, not mine). So, a boater. Well, where would one start? Luckily, the Chairman had a few ideas, and was delighted to share them with the Captain, and in the spirit of generosity, I thought I might share them with you.

You might be interested to read that there only appears to be one manufacturer of the traditional straw boater with a stiff brim in the UK, this being a firm called Olney Headwear of Luton, who charge their trade customers £17.00 plus VAT per hat according to a milliner we met on the towpath at Henley. Upon closer inspection, the Chairman’s very own boater is indeed an Olney, and based on information ascertained on their website, it would appear that they also supply Lock’s of St James with their boaters (presumably marked as Lock’s as opposed to Olney). Lock’s being outside the price range of the Captain (they retail their boaters at £109.00 if you please), the Chairman approached Bates of Jermyn Street (£62.00), only to be told that they did not stock the Captain’s 7 ¼ hat size. A brief trawl of the internet introduced your corrrospondent in co-respondents to the Olney site, only to find that they ask £47.25 plus postage for the same hat, but the Chairman had one more idea. Well, where would you go to look for a boater? To Henley itself, of course, and the Chairman knew just the shop.

Silver’s have been dressing the discerning gentlemen in regatta fashions for the past 80 years, and were delighted to offer the Captain assistance. Not only do Silver’s provide Olney straw boaters for the comparatively nugatory sum of £39.50, but also offered to trim the boater in club colours for a mere £5.00 per hat. The lady to whom this job was entrusted, Brigitte Smith, did a marvellous job, and trimmed our two hats in less than 45 minutes. “I don’t think I’ve done any from your club before”, she said, but members will be delighted to note that should you ever require a boater trimmed in the club colours, a trip to Silvers would seem to be essential. You will be made most welcome, our boater ribbon details are now held in their archives and the service and value for money is second to none.

Tempus Pro Henleyquizio

Your Chairman is delighted to announce, in much the same way as the Chair of the Wines and Spirits Committee announces the arrival of Beaujolais Nouveau, the 2008 Henley quiz est arrive! If you have half as much fun in working out the answers as the Chairman has had in compiling the questions, you will be in your element. Enjoy.

The Henley Quiz 2008 – The First Eight

The founders of the Witham Rowing Club, 1990

(1) The Chairman and First Lady married on 1st June 2002, but why did the Chairman think that this might make a particularly suitable date to marry?

(a) He loved his wife to be, and could not wait any longer to get married to her?
(b) He wanted a date that he was unlikely to forget?
(c) He wanted to ensure that his wedding anniversary never clashed with Henley?
(d) All of the above

2. A cockney is strictly someone born “within the sound of bow bells”, but which is the only member of the WRC born during the regatta itself?

3. Campion strength Pimm’s. Yes or no?

4. How many times have the WRC been invited to Tolthorpe in the 20 years aprox. that the Bunkers Hill Mafia have been attending Tolthorpe?

5. Re-arrange the letters to discover the name of the two-time attender of Henley from the following anagram

Dickie Millardw

Clue – He likes playing with fireworks, and the Captain was too busy to go to his wedding, despite having accidently invited him on both occasions.

6. To the nearest 1, calculate the number of times the Antipodean Ambassador has attended Henley.

7. The Chairman of which rowing club was the first person in the 154 year history of the boat race to be banned by the organiser from attending all subsequent races between the ancient Universities from 2008 henceforth?

8. In the immortal words of Carly Simon, who, if anyone, “does it better” than the WRC?

Answers on an email to the Chairman at the usual address. Prizes may be awarded at the Chairman’s discretion.

Borat at Henley

As the Club will be aware, Henley Royal Regatta starts next Wednesday, and to put you in the mood, I am delighted to include a clip from YouTube showing Borat’s visit to Henley. It’s a little bit rude, I’m afraid, but very funny. Enjoy!

An endowment from our sponsors

Batteries not included (sadly)

Following on from the recent publicity generated by the Captain of Boats and Chairman on behalf of Pimm’s, the Chairman is delighted to report that our generous benefactors, the Pimm’s publicity department, have kindly supplied the Chairman and First Lady with a small Pimm’s party kit for use at the summer festivities this year. Don’t ask, don’t get, as we say in the WRC, but it’s good to note that our relationship with Diageo continues in a similar vein to that we enjoyed with United Distillers. Bottoms up!

Anyone for agitprop?

The Chairman and "I Predict a Riot" outside the RA

The Chairman is pleased to announce that picture variously attributed to the Chair of the Fine Arts Committee/The Consul General/Jackson Pollock has been retrieved by your ever dutiful Chairman from the deepest bowels of the Royal Academy. As you can see, the sun shone, and the Chairman was appropriately attired for the occasion. “Tempus Pro Betterlucknextyeario”, as Ruby said to me only the other day.